TOO WEAK TO LIFT THE BAR BELLS?

TOO WEAK TO LIFT THE BAR BELLS?

Since my last heart failure attack and my last admission to the hospital, I have had a hard time bouncing back. This time, it had effected me emotionally and mentally. I have lived in fear of another attack, I have had panic and anxiety attacks, I do not want to be anywhere where I am more than 5-10 minutes from a hospital, I dread the nights, I don't want to be alone, I live one minute at a time and do not even care to make plans for the next day, I have not begun to return to my normal activities, etc. I am terrified most of the time.



I do not hesitate to go to a doctor when I get physically sick and I am not too proud to go to one when I am mentally or emotionally in pain. I went to see my primary doctor yesterday who has been concerned about my well-being. After talking to me for a half hour or so, he told me I have PTSS or Post Trauma Stress Syndrome. At least I have a name for my mental state now and it is real.



We mostly consider this to be an illness that soldiers get once discharged from the military or that others get when exposed to a violent crime or such. I learned that it can be triggered by any event that has been life-threatening or traumatic. I also learned that it can not be "cured" with waiting it out or ignoring it. It takes time in "talk sessions" and in some cases short term meds are prescribed.



I feel weaker and more vulnerable that I have ever felt before in my life. My doctor (who has been my doctor for years) told me that the very first thing that impressed him about me when he met me was my strength. He told me that this is what will eventually get me through this PTSS.



Somehow I do not feel strong. Why is it others can see our strengths and we can't? Why is it that we deny ourselves our strengths in times of crisis? Perhaps it is because we reach a point that we want to let go and let someone else take charge. We do NOT want to be strong.....we want to be weak so we don't have to fight whatever battle it is we are fighting. We do not want to hear it anymore. We tell ourselves that the strong must stand outside the circle and stand alone. And we do not want that isolation or quarantine anymore. Personally, I am too terrified to feel strong, I am too wore to tap upon whatever strength others see in me.



My doctor sees a stength in me, my friends have told me I am strong and can overcome this. I hope they are right....that they know something I don't.



ANSWER TO LAST TRIVIA QUESTION: What did TV’s Lucas McCain, Ben Cartwright, Vernon Albright, Jim Newton, Bentley Gregg, Steve Douglas, Andy Griffin, Jed Clampett have in common? They were all single dads. (The Rifleman, Bonanza, My Little Margie, Fury, Bachelor Father, My 3 Sons, Andy Griffin Show, The Beverly Hillbillies)
TODAY'S TRIVIA QUESTION: In 1958, NASA is created. What do the letters stand for? THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: The 10 Commandments are not a multiple choice.